Shit parent 💩

Enmity. Have you ever had so much animosity built up against someone or something? For those that are unaware, enmity is a feeling or condition of hostility or animosity. Obviously we all go through moments of having those feelings here and there, or so I assume everyone’s experienced it at least once. Personally the enmity I have for Dana, my sperm donor, has been at an all time high the last several months. Serious question for absent parents, what in the fuck is seriously wrong with y’all. Oh, asking for myself 🙋‍♀️

Before the Karen’s start. Yes, I know I am literally all over the place with my entire blog. Yes, I know this isn’t the nicest blog or the most appropriate. But I promise I do try to remain positive even on the days that it’s a bitch fest 🤷‍♀️ I’m sorry, not sorry type of thing. I genuinely feel it’s imperative for people to release their feelings & thoughts, even if it means going on a tangent or rant. We’d all be lying if we said we’ve never ranted before.

There’s worst things in the world than growing up without a father figure. Dana is a world class piece of shit in my opinion. Personal opinion over here, of course. But let me give ya a quick run down. Drugs, alcohol, whatever else you want to add to the list seemed to rule his life for most of my life while living thousands of miles away. I get it, actually I don’t, but I understand addiction is a touchy subject for many. I just don’t think I’ll ever truly be able to comprehend how anything can ever be more important than being their for your child. So, back to this fella. He’s asked to enter my life just a handful of times, I’ve allowed the attempt. He seemed interested and as far as I was aware he’d been clean for years (I believe he still is).

I’m 25 for the 8th time now 😂🤷‍♀️ and I’ve seen him at most 5 times in my life that I remember. Let’s break this down even more, he lives 2 hours from me. So, after genetic testing confirmed I have a cardiac gene I did my due diligence and reached out to all/any person that is “family” to educate them on the need for them to get tested. Of course, he made it about himself 🙄 I left it be and continued on. When I’d have surgeries I’d reach out just to see if there’d be some sort of interest from him. To no surprise, that’s a hard no.

Now back to reality, it’s December 2020, another major heart surgery in the books (I’ll fill y’all in within the next few days, promise 🤟). Reach out prior to giving a final opportunity for him to show interest, none was given. So, I politely wrote him explaining that one day I hope his selfishness let’s him see the impact it’s had on my brother and I. Yes, politely, although I really wanted to tell him he’s a royal piece of shit. After doing so, I get the response of “his girlfriend and him will pray for me. He hopes that one day I can forgive him”….umm, let me be very transparent when I say this. If you’re an absent parent and/or you’re dating someone whose an absent parent and you don’t see any issue with them not having a relationship with their children, you my friend, are a piece of shit too. Sorry, not sorry 🤷‍♀️✌️

I’m going to go with some people just don’t know how to be a parent or they truly don’t give a fuck about being one. For anyone whose felt that pain or felt their needed closure, don’t be ashamed. But, let me tell you, you are fucking good enough and never let someone whose chosen to not be a parent make you feel it’s your fault or that you’re not good enough.

That’s the note I went into surgery on. Have heart surgery during a pandemic in between Thanksgiving and Christmas they said, in a city under complete lockdown with a hospital almost at max capacity.

Shit, you think having an absent parent is bad being in a hospital alone is even worse. For everyone whose struggled in 2020 keep fighting that fight because this is a beautiful life.

Oh, & to Dana & his girlfriend if you ever happen to read this. I may have found my own closure, but my opinion of you being shit will never change 🖕 Thank you for showing me the parent I never want to be.

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