Chest heavy, inhaling deep, running my fingertips over the names on the flight itineraries with continuing glances at the departure screens. Flying, adventures, new scenery excites me…yet I still couldn’t control the nerves. Medically I questioned within myself what was so deserving of myself to have the wealth of knowledge within those that’ll be operating,… Continue reading 🫀 surgery 5 states away…👀🤷🏽♀️
PTSD stays living rent free 🥹
Fuck, why does this hurt so badly. A simple “Ouch”, doesn’t even describe this pain. Every inch I move I wail in pain, tears just fall down my face uncontrollably. Why, why won’t it just stop? Where is….”Never-mind, just stop Jess,” I told myself. The self destruction continued. The physical pain was excruciating and the… Continue reading PTSD stays living rent free 🥹
Fight to live is exhausting 😮💨🥱
Ugh, what is that stench, it’s so fucking strong. I can feel my nose crinkle with every wift. It’s vaguely familiar. Ahh, it’s the fucking smell of a hospital room! Confusion quickly consumed me, why does my bedroom smell like a hospital 🤔 && why does my chest feel like a bullet pierced thru it… Continue reading Fight to live is exhausting 😮💨🥱
Up, up, & away 🚁
The delicacy of needing to soft land was pertinent, but the immense shaking during the moments of idling didn’t look promising. Eyes were so heavy and having them closed felt too good, too good that it was hard to open them. Fighting myself against the temptation of my own body, my mind refused to cater… Continue reading Up, up, & away 🚁
Never ending game 🙂↔️😮💨
It’s a game. My body against my heart hitting a crossroads, mentally, emotionally, & physically. Losing myself, I was beginning to feel crazy. Aches in my chest or is it pain, possibly just heaviness. Pushing through the days continued to get more difficult, especially at work and need to randomly stop to catch my breath. The… Continue reading Never ending game 🙂↔️😮💨
This has to be hell ☄️🔥
I’m in hell, the pain is hell, it’s radiating, it’s moving through every nerve in my body but why isn’t the time moving. Seriously, the pain is bone crumbling, knife stabbing, radiating through my shoulders, down deep into my back, down both of my arms, and intensively worsening by the second. The ice cold feeling… Continue reading This has to be hell ☄️🔥
Love conquers all, no 🧐
Love conquers all. But does it…& in your opinion what’s the true sentiment and meaning behind the saying. A lover, friendships, family, situationship, a broken friendship, a broken relationship. If it’s broken can love be enough to mend it? Is it possible that love has the ability to win or is it that we love… Continue reading Love conquers all, no 🧐
The forbidden word…grief 😮
Grief. Not the grief of losing someone/something to death. Grief of losing what was, what is, or even worse grieving a life that is trying to live. I’m now into year 8 or 9 possibly of living this disease and I still grieve parts of me that once was. Adapting to change use to be… Continue reading The forbidden word…grief 😮
Fear for the W 😮💨
1 December 2021. I shot up out of a deep sleep in a panic, drenched in sweat. Thinking to myself, “what the hell is happening?” My chest was beating so fast, but the skipping and fluttering of my heartbeat was prevalent. Fear, I knew in my heart (pun intended) something was wrong. A year to… Continue reading Fear for the W 😮💨
Heart disease, Wrong patient 🤫
It’s a beautiful day to get my tubes tied—a personal decision. Boy was I in for a real surprise. “We’re going to need a cardiologist to give clearance before we move forward with this procedure” the surgeon says. Confused as fuck, looking side to side, I managed to stutter, respectively, “I’m sorry, but what the… Continue reading Heart disease, Wrong patient 🤫
Precious Heart 