Lifeless. Fuck, I can’t move, the ice, just inches away, my chest, my chest needs it. Roll on your side Jess, you can do this. Jess, just fucking move. The fuck, the fuck is this pain. Fuck, it hurts. Scream, do that, you can do that. Can’t breath, I’m drowning within my own lifeless body.… Continue reading So heartless 🩸🔪❤️
What the fuck 🤭
Anxiety. The burning, it’s so painful, the breathing, my breath, I can’t catch it, trying so hard, the beating, like a cop beating on the door, but yet so slow, is it even there. Fuck, the pain, the discomfort, I need to breath. Kneel down, hold onto something, yeah that’ll solve the problem. Simple, simple… Continue reading What the fuck 🤭
It’s okay to not be okay 🤙
Sigh…Breathing in so deep trying to rid that feeling of fucking defeat is gut wrenching. Chest weighing heavy with the deep breath in, trying to hold it for a second, but yet it seems to be so hard to take a deep breath in. Yet it still isn’t enough. Do you ever just feel so… Continue reading It’s okay to not be okay 🤙
Heart surgery, sure no problem💪
Reality. There’s nothing like flat lining on the operating table, hello reality check. “She’s back, we got sinus rhythm.” It’s like a damn episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Strapped down, flat on my back, looking around like a dumbass, as if I could really see anything around me. Shit, they’re talking about me. Confused momentarily, what… Continue reading Heart surgery, sure no problem💪
Shit parent 💩
Enmity. Have you ever had so much animosity built up against someone or something? For those that are unaware, enmity is a feeling or condition of hostility or animosity. Obviously we all go through moments of having those feelings here and there, or so I assume everyone’s experienced it at least once. Personally the enmity… Continue reading Shit parent 💩
A mother’s love ❤️
Unique. I can’t possibly be the only person who gets confused as fuck when there’s a new post on social media of “Rubber Eraser Day” or “National Margarita Day”. I mean, I’ll take the national margarita day anytime, they’re my weakness😋 oh, & the Rubber Eraser Day is legit, it’s April 15th. Apparently I missed… Continue reading A mother’s love ❤️
A blessing in disguise 😳
Eager or edgy, or simply both. Is it me or has everyone felt a little more on edge this entire fucking year. I mean, holy fuck 2020 has my bitchiness on overload. Eager for 2020 to come to an end (like many others I’m sure) ✌️ Life doesn’t always go as planned, thank you 2020… Continue reading A blessing in disguise 😳
Helpless Tween 💅
Unimaginable. “Sierra’s heart is hurting”, Sierra's my 14 year old daughter, well almost 14...in 3 weeks, but forget the minor details, focus on “Heart hurting”. Ever been in a position where you knew something was a possibility, but never expected it to actually happen? Well, me too, especially hearing the words my daughters heart hurts....from… Continue reading Helpless Tween 💅
Questions, keep them coming 🙋♀️
Questions. So many damn questions were always running through my head, it was like they were all in a fucking marathon to cross the finish line to be answered. If you haven’t noticed by now, I have a habit of not writing in chronological order of my journey....& I don't plan on changing either. Good… Continue reading Questions, keep them coming 🙋♀️
Never, is that a thing 🤔
Never. Never say never, they say 🤷♀️ 7 days after my first surgery in August 2017 my exact words to my surgeon were, “Never again will I go through another surgery like that”. In that moment, there was nothing comical about my response, over my dead body was I going to let my body go… Continue reading Never, is that a thing 🤔
Precious Heart 