Ugh, what is that stench, it’s so fucking strong. I can feel my nose crinkle with every wift. It’s vaguely familiar. Ahh, it’s the fucking smell of a hospital room! Confusion quickly consumed me, why does my bedroom smell like a hospital 🤔 && why does my chest feel like a bullet pierced thru it… Continue reading Fight to live is exhausting 😮💨🥱
Tag: Heart disease
#heartdisease
Heart disease, Wrong patient 🤫
It’s a beautiful day to get my tubes tied—a personal decision. Boy was I in for a real surprise. “We’re going to need a cardiologist to give clearance before we move forward with this procedure” the surgeon says. Confused as fuck, looking side to side, I managed to stutter, respectively, “I’m sorry, but what the… Continue reading Heart disease, Wrong patient 🤫
A lost soul 😩
The fear from my cardiologists voice sent chills down every millimeter of my body. Have you ever had a moment where it feels like you’re standing outside of your actual body and you’re just standing there staring at yourself? If not, it’s a fucking wild experience to go through. I felt like I was looking… Continue reading A lost soul 😩
So heartless 🩸🔪❤️
Lifeless. Fuck, I can’t move, the ice, just inches away, my chest, my chest needs it. Roll on your side Jess, you can do this. Jess, just fucking move. The fuck, the fuck is this pain. Fuck, it hurts. Scream, do that, you can do that. Can’t breath, I’m drowning within my own lifeless body.… Continue reading So heartless 🩸🔪❤️
It’s okay to not be okay 🤙
Sigh…Breathing in so deep trying to rid that feeling of fucking defeat is gut wrenching. Chest weighing heavy with the deep breath in, trying to hold it for a second, but yet it seems to be so hard to take a deep breath in. Yet it still isn’t enough. Do you ever just feel so… Continue reading It’s okay to not be okay 🤙
Heart surgery, sure no problem💪
Reality. There’s nothing like flat lining on the operating table, hello reality check. “She’s back, we got sinus rhythm.” It’s like a damn episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Strapped down, flat on my back, looking around like a dumbass, as if I could really see anything around me. Shit, they’re talking about me. Confused momentarily, what… Continue reading Heart surgery, sure no problem💪
Questions, keep them coming 🙋♀️
Questions. So many damn questions were always running through my head, it was like they were all in a fucking marathon to cross the finish line to be answered. If you haven’t noticed by now, I have a habit of not writing in chronological order of my journey....& I don't plan on changing either. Good… Continue reading Questions, keep them coming 🙋♀️
Never, is that a thing 🤔
Never. Never say never, they say 🤷♀️ 7 days after my first surgery in August 2017 my exact words to my surgeon were, “Never again will I go through another surgery like that”. In that moment, there was nothing comical about my response, over my dead body was I going to let my body go… Continue reading Never, is that a thing 🤔
Obstacles, the best gift 🧐
Obstacles. Ugh, fucking obstacles. Obstacles give anxiety a whole new meaning. It’s like taking that shot of whiskey that you’ve never had before and trying to swallow it like a champ, but reality is your stomachs in knots and you’ll probably avoid that shot in the future. Okay, taking a shot of whiskey while trying… Continue reading Obstacles, the best gift 🧐
The inevitable Change 🤩
Change. 6, 9, 12 months ago or even 1 or 2 years ago my response to change would’ve been, “If it’s not broken why fix it”. My god, thinking of those words now I think, “ how ridiculous was I” and “was I really that close minded”. There’s so much in our lives that aren’t… Continue reading The inevitable Change 🤩
Precious Heart 