Ugh, what is that stench, it’s so fucking strong. I can feel my nose crinkle with every wift. It’s vaguely familiar. Ahh, it’s the fucking smell of a hospital room! Confusion quickly consumed me, why does my bedroom smell like a hospital 🤔
&& why does my chest feel like a bullet pierced thru it and ricocheted everywhere….
The nausea, I can feel it churning in the pit of my stomach. Oh shit, I’m going to be sick…Fuck, I tried to move, eyes wouldn’t open, I needed to roll over to ease my stomach. Keep trying to roll to the side, but I was being stopped. My body was forcing itself to stop, the pain was electrifying.
Why do I get the sense that I’m not in my bedroom? The sound of sirens, monitors, incompetent medical staff, medflight, now I’m really going to be sick. Tampa General. The last several hours started coming back with a vengeance as my eyes opened rapidly and I quickly looked around for familiarity, but the pain was crippling I could barely get a sound out. Trying to speak, all I could do was cry in agonizing pain and turn my head to get everything out. Zero strength with even less mental energy. My ass kept vibrating. My phone! Somehow it managed to get lodged in between all the wires, my body, and the blankets. I was too weak to find it let alone speak or handle whatever was going on with it. Ah, there’s Dr. Genius I need him to resolve this pain and help me rationalize what had just happened.
My voice was cracking with every wince of pain that was sharpening in my back. Immediately he ordered a bedside CT, my lungs still had a significant amount of blood build up. The right lung was still collapsed. My mind was giving up, the pain and agony was so intense. The nurse grabbed my phone and sat it right in front of me allowing me to see the comfort of those closest to my heart and a photo of my girls. What was I in store for and how hard of a fight was in front of me is all that consumed my mind.
I didnt want to fight anymore, the pain was piercing through my soul, I couldn’t handle much more…soft tears slid down my cheek as I knew giving up wasn’t an option. With the abundance of love surrounding the girls and the village behind them I knew leaving them wasn’t the plan yet.
Just breathe, with every breath I had to remind myself one breath at a time. My luck, it’s the height of Covid and visitations in the ICU were limited. The nights were daunting 😔
To live or let the disease win….
Living was the only answer.
Precious Heart 